


melodrama

by Perfectsonnet



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Homophobic Language, I'll add tags as the story progresses, In The Flesh AU, M/M, Minor Ableist Language, Undead!Even, suicide TW
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-11-19 23:18:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11323785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perfectsonnet/pseuds/Perfectsonnet
Summary: Isak didn’t know where he stood on the debate. A large part of him thought if you were dead, you were dead and dead people rising from their graves to eat people felt more like a horror film than a reality to solve. What kind of idiots let horror villains live amongst people, thriving after murdering thousands? But a small part of Isak believed that second chances were warranted. How could someone like Even not be given a second chance?(In the Flesh AU) *On Hiatus*





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written FF in a million years so I'm a little rusty but hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things... This will be nothing like BBC's "In the Flesh" which I haven't seen in forever but the basic premise is the same. Obviously the title is from lorde's new masterpiece.

Isak had heard of him. Of course he had heard of him… everyone had. Even Bech Næsheim, the boy who had jumped in front of a school bus three years ago and died on impact. It was his town’s biggest story for months. The last death they’d had in town before Even was a freak accident in 2006, some kind of carbon monoxide poisoning in an outdated house. When there’s nothing to talk about, everything is something to talk about. 

Isak remembers his mom’s words when she read the headline aloud on the front page of the local newspaper. “God has punished him for his illness,” she’d said and Isak had cringed. That really was the beginning of the end for her. She started acting crazier by the day, spewing bible verses about god’s vengeance on the regular, until the day she truly lost her mind. Isak sometimes calls it “doomsday” in his head. Once aloud but his father certainly didn’t appreciate the term. “Doomsday, Isak? What a loving son you are.” Ha, yeah, says the husband who abandoned her like three weeks later. 

His mom hadn’t always been crazy… or mentally ill. (Isak always has to correct himself. Once you start using a word to describe someone, it’s hard to change it. Especially when you never speak the word, only think it. Isak never had anyone to speak the word to.) Back then she was unstable, sure, but his dad was still around and things were mostly okay. Of course Isak hadn’t said anything to her about her completely inappropriate and insensitive remark concerning Even. Some things never change and Isak coming up short around his mom was one of them. 

Isak hadn’t even really known this Even guy. There was only one high school in their town but Isak was still in lower secondary school and Even was a third year at Nissen at the time. He’d seen him in town once or twice because town was small and you saw everyone once in awhile, noticed the same people with the same routines. But Isak had never spoken to him. There was no reason to. Isak was a fourteen-year-old dweeb and Even was an eighteen-year-old god. 

Of course, that didn’t stop him from thinking about the boy sometimes, even after his death. He had a pretty face and Isak was… attracted to pretty faces. It felt wrong thinking about a dead guy but Isak likened it to having a hardon for James Dean. 

Then the outbreak happened and Isak thought of Even more often. He wondered if he’d been killed in the war against the undead. The war against people… or, things, like Even. 

Isak got his answer just two days ago, when he saw Even Bech Næsheim walk down 3rd Street’s sidewalk, in the flesh. He looked exactly how Isak had remembered him and yet completely different. He was paler than before, although Isak knew he was wearing makeup. All the undead were required to. Required wasn’t the right word… forced, perhaps. Even was even paler without the makeup, Isak knew. They all were. 

His eyes were blue but a different blue than they had been before, darker and glassier. Isak knew it was the colored contacts the undead were required, no, forced to wear as well. But the biggest change in Even was his demeanor. The suave, confident boy he’d seen playing basketball in the park years before was now trudging down the sidewalk, head down. The boy he’d watched help an old woman with her groceries had just stepped past a sobbing lost toddler meekly without a second glance. 

Isak knew this was because the undead were not welcome in Isak’s town. Scorned, even. It didn’t help that town was so small that everyone had known Even before his death. They all knew about how he’d “gone crazy,” did some “weird psycho shit,” and “purposely ran into the street that day.” Isak wasn’t so sure… about any of it. But people hated him for it. Hated him for being “crazy” and hated him for being an undead. His whole town hated the undead, as many of their own had been killed by them during the war. Isak thought it took some serious balls to even walk the streets. He knew if he was Even he’d probably just become a recluse, spend the rest of his life in his bedroom or find some sort of undead commune where people didn’t stare at him like some museum artifact or spit at his feet like a leper. Isak did not like attention and Even was attracting it with every step he took. 

The zombie epidemic was quick, lasted only six weeks, but it was painful. It quickly became clear that everyone who had died in 2013 had returned as rabid zombies. There was no scientific reasoning for it. Even the most agnostic scientists left it up to some kind of fate, some kind of superior power. Although the war only lasted six weeks, it was ruthless, a sort of guerilla war. People resented the undead for what’d they done. Even though the war hadn’t specifically hit Isak’s town, men and women traveled to help fight against the zombies. The undead had killed tens of thousands before being restrained.

Even was the only one who’d died in 2013 in the area and he was nowhere to be seen when the undead had risen. Nevertheless, people were scared of what they didn’t understand and they didn’t understand the undead or, the official diagnosis, PDS (Partially Deceased Syndrome). It’s what you were supposed to consider an undead: a human being living with PDS. They (the government) had found a “cure” for the rabid zombie attack: serum and a six-month rehabilitation process that transformed rabid zombies into human beings living with PDS. As soon as they had restrained the undead, curing them was easy. The serum sedated them immediately and the rehab process was ingenuous and fast working.

Nevertheless, people were livid. They didn’t think the undead deserved a second life. After all, they’d killed thousands of people who would never get a second chance. But the government and its scientists saw the undead for something else. Something with potential. 

Isak didn’t know where he stood on the debate. A large part of him thought if you were dead, you were dead and dead people rising from their graves to eat people felt more like a horror film than a reality to solve. What kind of idiots let horror villains live amongst people, thriving after murdering thousands? But a small part of Isak believed that second chances were warranted. How could someone like Even not be given a second chance?


	2. Paris, Texas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it isn't clear, the Elias in this chapter is s1 Elias, NOT my sweet Elias Bakkoush.

“—Then I might have a real chance with her, man.” Isak hears Magnus insist to an unconcerned looking Mahdi and Jonas, who appears to be inspecting his soup thoroughly at their usual lunch table. When it’s nice outside the four of them usually sit on a bench outside of school but during the winter months they’re forced to hole up in the cafeteria with the rest of the student body. Isak prefers the warmer months solely for this reason. You become much more aware of the ridiculous things your friends say (mainly Magnus) when you know the person at the next table can hear you.

“Have a chance with who?” Isak asks, plopping his cheese toastie on the table, and immediately regrets it when Magnus turns to him, clearly excited to continue his animated rant with the new interested party.

“Vilde, man. If Jonas can get us into Ingrid’s Halloween party on Friday then I might finally get my chance to show her what she’s been missing.” Isak rolls his eyes.

“What’s she missing? A couple thrusts?”

Jonas snorts into his soup whilst Mahdi reaches over the table to offer Isak a high-five.

Magnus stares back at Isak bewilderedly. “Not cool man. Just because you’re scoring mega pussy doesn’t mean we all are.”

“Wow, you’re right Magnus. That was insensitive of me,” Isak replies sarcastically. Magnus smiles back assuredly. “It’s cool man. Hey, you used to date Sara… you think you could get us into Ingrid’s Halloween party?”

“Why can’t Jonas?”

“I’m sure he _could_ if he _tried_ ,” Magnus exclaims, eyeing Jonas pointedly. Jonas sighs like he’s told Magnus his reasoning already, which knowing Magnus, he definitely has, probably more than once.

“Bro, Ingrid and I are cool now but like, distant cool. Nod-from-across-the-room cool. Can I show up at her party with someone she's invited? No sweat. Can I _get_ an invite from her? Maybe, but that’s not chill and not in the agreement.”

“What agreement?”

Jonas puts his head in his hands and muffles out a reply. “The unspoken agreement, dude... Isak, help me out?”

Isak looks up from his cheese toastie. “Uhh… unspoken agreement… yeah. Uhhh…” Jonas looks at him bemusedly. “C’mon man, I know you and Sara have one.”

Isak and Sara didn’t have much of anything. They dated for three months before she dumped him last October because “I can tell your heart isn’t in this, Isak.” Yeah, no shit Sara. The girl was oblivious but not dumb. Their relationship was pretty much just Isak listening to her talk shit about her friends and then making out in her room with the door open. They never went any further, despite Sara’s insistence that she was “okay with it.” Isak wanted to wait until they “got to really know each other,” which, after three months, wasn’t really cutting it. Luckily that was around the time Sara decided they should call it quits. Of course, the truth was Isak would be willing to wait until Christ’s second coming before having sex with Sara.

Isak’s known he _prefers_ boys since he was a kid and has pretty much accepted the fact internally. Naturally, telling his friends, telling his mother, telling _anyone_ was a different story. Something Isak both desperately desired and downright feared doing. Isak just wanted to be Isak and being gay meant something different, something else. Isak could handle being “that guy Isak who always wears the snapbacks” or “that fucking nerd from Bio” or “the one who hangs out with the kid with the eyebrows.” Anything but fucking “that gay kid Isak” or worse, “that fag.” 

“Unspoken agreement,” Isak finally replies, “You smile in the hallways but you stay out of each other’s way. Unless you’ve blatantly decided you’ll stay friends, and with the way Ingrid and Jonas ended I’m assuming they did not, you don’t do each other any favors.”

Jonas smiles brightly at Isak and Isak is reminded of the huge crush he used to have on Jonas. He got over it, he had to, but sometimes Jonas reminds him of why Isak used to like him so much. Like, _really-really_ like him. Sabotage-his-best-friend’s-relationship like him. It’s not something Isak’s proud of but he lives with it. It definitely helps that Eva and Jonas have gotten back together since then and seem to be as happy as ever.

Eva was the only person who knew about Isak. When she’d figured out what Isak had done to sabotage her relationship with Jonas she confronted Isak and didn’t buy his frantic invention that he was madly in love with her. Eventually the truth came out.

Eva was pissed. Like really pissed. But also weirdly very understanding. It was like having a confidant who hated you but would also give their life for you. It took a few months but Eva ultimately decided she’d "officially" forgiven Isak (again, getting back together with Jonas helped) and the two had grown very close in the way only two people who share a secret do. If Jonas wasn’t Isak’s best friend, Eva was. Though Magnus would probably _cry_ if Isak told him as much.

“What about Eva?” Isak questions.

Magnus raises his eyebrows at Jonas questioningly. Jonas nods silently. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure Eva and the girls are chill with Ingrid again. They’ll get us in.” Magnus squeals his excitement.

“Fuck yes! I’m dressing up as Wolverine and I’m getting _laaaaaaaid_.”

\--

Isak watched amused as Magnus immediately strikes out with catwoman Vilde across the room before heading to the kitchen with Mario Mahdi and snagging a couple of warm beers off the counter. He cracks one open and hands it to his friend.

“Thanks man,” Mahdi replies, tapping his can against Isak’s in a toast before tilting his head back to chug the liquid. Isak follows suit.

Ingrid’s party is like every other party in town: loud, overcrowded, and about twenty minutes away from being shut down by the cops. Nevertheless, a party is a party and when the main entertainment in town is a bowling alley, a miniature golf course, and an old shitty theatre on the wrong side of town, any party shits gold in comparison.

“You getting laid tonight or what?” Magnus asks him, appearing out of nowhere.

“I can see you’re not,” Isak replies, dodging the question. He’s trying to make a point of not hooking up with another first year in the bathroom. After the mistake Isak made denying a blowjob from Emma Larzen two months, Isak’s been very careful about whom he decides to hook up with in bathroom to keep his straight agenda in check.

“Yeah, Vilde was in a shitty mood tonight. Didn’t even bat an eye when I told her that Wolverine and Catwoman are like, opposites that attract. She’s probably riding the crimson wave,” Magnus suggests innocently.

“Dude,” Mahdi and Isak reply in unison.

Magnus makes a face. “Not cool?”

“Not cool.”

“Noted.”

Jonas makes his way towards the three of them after presumably greeting his girlfriend. Isak groans inwardly when he sees Elias following behind, trying to get his attention. Isak _hates_ Elias. He _loathes_ him. Magnus and Mahdi aren’t his biggest fans either but there’s something about Elias that really rubs Isak the wrong way. Like, the fact that he’s a complete fucking asshole. Jonas insists he’s not terrible once you really get to know him, _plus_ “he sells us fantastic weed for cheap as fuck,” but Isak would be willing to pay twice as much for weed if it meant never talking to Elias again.

As soon as Jonas reaches his three best friends, Elias claps him on the back from behind. Jonas turns around in surprise and greets him with a fistbump before opening the circle for Elias to join.

Magnus, who tolerates Elias the most out of them, sans Jonas, greets Elias with a fistbump as well. Mahdi and Isak only nod at him silently.

“Are you a zombie, dude? Like from _Night of the Living Dead_?” Magnus asks, looking Elias up and down.

“I’m _a human living with PDS_.” Elias replies in a high voice, mocking some unknown third party.

Magnus laughs awkwardly in response. Elias doesn't look like "a human living with PDS," he looks like a zombie from one of those shitty horror movies from the 60s. The ones where the girls run around topless and the boys get killed with their dicks out. He looks like a monster.

“Man, have you heard about Even Bech Næsheim? My mom says she saw him around town with his dad the other day. Says he looks exactly like she remembers him. Sad stuff bro,” Magnus says.

“Sad? More like pathetic. If I see that guy around, I’ll fucking kill him.” Isak’s stomach drops. Mahdi gives Jonas a pointed look to which Jonas raises his eyebrows silently.

“Dude, chill out,” Jonas remarks quietly but he doesn’t seem to be too bothered by the statement.

“What?” Elias asks, affronted, “Those fucking things are not human. They’re literally the scum of the earth. They went around fucking eating and killing people, destroying cities, and now what? They’re fucking lounging around in their homes, watching TV and taking fucking naps? Fuck that. If I see an undead, especially that Næsheim kid, I’m gonna fucking run it over like the roadkill it is.”

“Dude, don’t you think the serum changed that? They don’t still act like monsters. They're not still running around eating people. People with PDS aren’t the same as the undead things that killed people during the war. They’re not your costume anymore.”

Elias, dripping in fake blood and gashes, rolls his eyes.

“PDS my fucking ass. It’s a bunch of bullshit, dude. A monster is a monster, even if it’s wearing sheep’s clothing. Or should I say, even if it’s wearing fucking makeup. Nauseating.” Elias shakes his head before chugging the rest of his beer. “My dad agrees. He says if he sees that Even kid around town, he’s bringing me with him to teach that thing a lesson.”

Mahdi mumbles something under his breath that Isak thinks sounds like “psycho breeds psycho.”

Elias raises his eyebrows. “What’d you say?” He asks Mahdi sharply. Mahdi stares back at him blankly. The stare down is tense but only lasts for a few seconds before Elias is turning away. Elias is tough but Mahdi’s got a look that could kill. If he weren’t one of Isak’s best friends Isak thinks he’d probably be fucking terrified of him.

“Whatever. I’m gonna go smoke a J outside, you in?” He addresses solely Jonas.

“Ehh, yeah, I’ll be out there in a second,” Jonas replies, eyeing his three best friends.

Elias nods and then leaves the foursome.

“Dude…” Magnus starts, to which Mahdi nods his head in agreement.

“It’s all talk,” Jonas waves his hand but Isak can tell he feels uncomfortable too.

“Yeah, evil sadistic fucking “talk” man. That’s not chill. Like, at all. Dude’s talking about _murdering_ somebody. ”

“He’s just drunk man. And it’s not as if he’s talking about murdering his family or something, he’s talking about the undead.”

“Just because they’re undead doesn’t mean they don’t matter,” Mahdi chimes in and Isak feels an affection for Mahdi he’s never felt before.

Jonas huffs, “I know that. I just mean… he’s kind of got a reason to hate them. You heard what happened to his brother.”

“Oh, Even Bech Næsheim killed his brother?”

Jonas rolls his eyes. “You _know_ what I mean.”

Mahdi looks like he wants to say more but keeps his mouth shut. Magnus is bobbing on his heels, looking like he’s thinking desperately of a way to make the conversation amicable again.

Isak stays quiet throughout the exchange. He feels a burning rage in the pit of his stomach. He _hates_ Elias. He doesn’t care if his fucking brother ran off to a war he wasn’t asked to join or whatever and got himself killed by something unexplainable. At least, that's what Elias tells everyone. That is brother died a "hero." That doesn’t excuse the shit Elias was spewing. The worst part is, people like Elias will find a reason to hate anything. In a different universe, Elias is saying that about gay people.

“Let’s just go smoke,” Mahdi recovers, seeming to be done with his quiet disapproval of Jonas.

Jonas nods, relieved, and Magnus squeals his approval.

“I’m gonna go home,” Isak mutters as the boys turn to head outside. Magnus gives him a look like Isak’s just shot him.

“Dude, _no_ , the party’s just begun!”

“I feel sick. I think I drank too much at the pregame,” Isak lies.

Jonas cups his shoulder in a goodbye, “You sure bro?” Isak nods.

“You want us to come?” Isak shakes his head. He can’t seem to look Jonas in the eye and he knows Jonas can tell because Jonas can read him like a fucking book and he knows Jonas knows he's pissed off about the Elias thing. Jonas gives his shoulder one last squeeze, almost as an apology, before heading towards the backdoor. Mahdi fist bumps him and Magnus punches his shoulder before they both follow Jonas out. Isak watches his friends leave before turning around.

Isak knows it’s not just Elias’ talk of the undead that bothers him. It’s his talk of _Even_ , an undead, that troubles him. He doesn’t know the guy. He doesn’t have a reason to feel protective or scared for him but there's a part of Isak that can’t help it. Maybe it’s because Even’s a fucking human being and doesn’t deserve death threats from the likes of Elias and his father over something he can't control. Maybe it’s because Even was always someone Isak looked up to from afar. The way he walked around looking effortlessly fucking cool while Isak was still growing into his limbs or the way Even seemed to always be smiling at people on the streets or joking around with his friends playing basketball. Maybe it’s for a more shallow reason, like because Isak has always had a stupid little crush on the boy four years his senior, who was undeniably handsome. Regardless of the reason, Elias’ talk was vulgar and directed at Even it was fucking heinous.

Isak suddenly feels the irrepressible urge to cry. Humiliated by the thought, he speed-walks towards the front door.

“Isak!” Eva’s voice stops him a few steps from the front door, grabbing his wrist tightly. He looks down to see long green nails clawing into his skin.

“Whoa there,” Isak whispers, not trusting his voice to sound steady at full volume. Eva is drunk and swaying as she holds onto his wrist with her claws. She’s dressed as a witch but appears to have lost her hat and broomstick so is really just wearing a long black dress.

“Hi,” she giggles, looking up into Isak’s eyes with her own glassy, half-closed ones. Isak can’t help but smile softly at her. “Where’s Vilde?”

Eva rolls her eyes dramatically. “Her, Noora, and Sana left yeaaaars ago,” Eva explains, “I told them I’d walk home with Jonas but I can’t find him anywheeeeeeere.”

“He’s out back smoking with Elias,” Isak tells her, knowing Eva’s response before she even opens her mouth.

“Fuck Elias.”

“Fuck Elias,” Isak replies, smiling.

“Let’s go,” Eva demands, pulling Isak towards the front door.

The two walk together in amicable silence, with only Eva’s hiccups and random giggles filling the air.

Isak drops his best friend off at her house where the rest of her friends are already sleeping. Noora answers the door in her pajamas and Eva jumps into her arms.

“Thanks Isak,” Noora smiles. Isak and Noora aren’t verbally very close, despite their shared house, but Isak is very fond of Noora and he knows she probably feels the same about him, underneath all the annoyances he causes her in their shared space, like his dirty laundry in the living room and his eating her food _occasionally_.

“See you tomorrow,” Isak waves, kissing a drunken Eva on the forehead before heading back to the house he shares with Noora, Eskild, and Linn. Isak’s been in the house since his mother was admitted to a mental hospital in Oslo two summers ago.

The living situation is pretty ideal despite how annoying Eskild can get. When the older boy isn’t having “friends” over for “fun” he’s mastering the skill of bothering Isak with stories, questions, mindless chatter, or singing. Isak can’t really complain considering Eskild was the only person willing to take him in when he was practically homeless. Literally, Isak was sleeping on a bench when Eskild woke him up and scolded him before dragging him to his house. In Isak's defense, he wasn't literally planning on sleeping on benches for the rest of adolescent, he was just having a shitty night and couldn't imagine going home to face his family. After Isak had explained to Eskild as much, the boy who was only a few years Isak's senior started acting liking a father-figure, making sure Isak went to school and was eating regularly. Of course, most fathers don't wake you up with musical renditions every morning.

Isak was so lost in his own thoughts on his walk home that he doesn’t notice the person walking the opposite way down the sidewalk until he’s practically right in front of him. The person is wearing a black jacket with the hood draped over practically the entire top half of their face. When the person notices Isak, they stop in their tracks and Isak stops too, confused and a wary of the situation. Is he about to get mugged? The figure is undeniably taller than Isak and could definitely overpower him in a struggle.

The shadow takes a few more steps forward before Isak recognizes him. Even Bech Næsheim. It’s him. Jesus, he just walks around town, alone, at night? Doesn't he realize how fucking dangerous that is? People are quite literally out for his blood.

Before Isak can think of anything to say to this figure, this _person_ who has undeniably been on his mind all day, he rushes past Isak.

“Hey!” Isak shouts at his retreating figure without really knowing why or what he wants to say. Should he warn him about Elias? Should he tell him to be more careful? Isak considers it but what is he to Even? He's sure Even's heard it all before. If not from his family then in rehab for sure. _You are not well received. Stay out of the way of real people. Do not expect the people you loved in 2013 to love you now, to look at you the same. This may change someday but for now, no one will want anything to do with your wellbeing._ Even stops and Isak thinks he’s going to turn around to face Isak, but he only pauses for a moment and then continues walking. As Isak watches him resume down the sidewalk he notices a piece of paper slip out his jean pocket. If Even notices it he doesn’t stop to pick it up and soon Isak can’t make him out in the darkness any longer.

He knows he should keep walking. Not only is the paper probably _nothing_ but even if it was something, what would Isak do with it? Return it to him? That should go over quite nicely.

Despite this reasonable assessment, Isak walks towards the paper, which is skirting around the stretch of the sidewalk in a light wind. Isak steps on the paper quietly and reaches down to pick it up. It’s a movie ticket, Isak realizes immediately. A midnight showing of something called _Paris, Texas_. Isak didn’t even know the theatre had midnight showings. It’s a rundown, one-screen theatre in the shoddier part of town, next to old second-hand stores and across the street from an abandoned supermarket, which had relocated to the newer side of town eight years ago. Not only was Even walking around town at 2 a.m., but he was going to the movies? Going to the midnight showings? Who was this guy?

Before Isak could asses the reasons he should forget everything about the night, from Jonas’ subtle defense of Elias' vulgarity to Even and his movie ticket, Isak was jogging home, sliding quietly through his front door as to not wake Eskild, and googling _Paris, Texas,_ on his laptop. It was now 2:30 a.m. and the movie was over two hours long but Isak was pressing the Buy button on iTunes before he could stop himself.

The movie was odd and Isak had so many questions. Where did this man in the desert come from and why was he dressed in a suit? And was he mute? Or was he just refusing to talk? Isak could tell this movie was made for cinephiles, artsy types unlike himself, but instead of closing the Mac in favor of passing out and forgetting his shitty night, he lets himself rest back into his pillow with the laptop on his chest and continue the movie.

_“They didn’t care much for anything else because all they wanted to do was be with each other.”_

Isak feels ridiculous but before the film has ended, he's crying. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know I’m a slut for eva/isak best friendship. Also Mahdi deserves the world. Thank you so much for the feedback! I really haven't written fanfic since I was in like, 7th or 8th grade (I'm at Uni now) but this idea wouldn't leave me alone so here I am. This is so nerve-wracking for me because I've never considered myself good at creative writing and usually stick to academic writing so any comments, constructive or not, are appreciated :)


	3. holy sick divine nights

Isak’s visits with his mother are far and few between and he’s the first to admit this leaves him riddled with guilt. But guilt is a funny thing because no matter how guilty Isak feels for barely visiting his mother, he still barely visits his mother. Before… long, long before his mother started battling her illness, she was a good mother. A fantastic mother, actually. Isak has memories of his mother checking him out of school early sometimes, around first or second grade, just to bring him to have lunch with her at the park. It was their little secret; neither ever told Isak’s father, who always viewed Isak’s education as vital in his upbringing.

When his mother got sick, it’s not to say she became a bad mother, she just couldn’t be a mother at all any longer. If Isak was leaving school early it was to help his father control her during one of her meltdowns, not to eat ham sandwiches in the park.

Now Isak never checks out of school because school is really all he has. School is what’s going to get Isak away from this shithole and into university, preferably in Oslo or another big city far away. So Isak studies. And studies. And studies. Even when Isak isn’t studying he kind of feels like he is. He goes over flashcards in his head at parties. He reads science articles on his phone when he’s waiting his turn for FIFA at Mahdi’s. He watches fucking science documentaries on Netflix for fucks sake just because he thinks they’ll help him get the 6 he needs in Biology. 

So when Isak’s father texts him, asking him to visit his mother on Wednesday, it takes all his strength not to reply _fuck you, you know I have fucking school you absent piece of shit excuse for a father_ and instead to reply _I have school_.

_Can’t you take the day off? I think it would be good if we visited her together._

Of course now that Isak’s father doesn’t give a shit about him he also doesn’t give a shit about Isak’s education.

_No. I have a practice test._

A lie. But Isak won’t skip school, not for his mother, and certainly not for his father. He’ll visit her. He will. Some weekend some time in the next month or so. He loves his mother but it’s so damn hard visiting her in that place.

When he visits her she’s either quiet or confused. It’s never a tender experience. It’s just stress and Isak has enough of that in his life. He knows he’s the definition of a shitty son but that doesn’t change much. He still won’t visit and his father will still text him once every couple of weeks to ask anyway.

Sometimes these small, subtle procedures are all that keeps Isak from going insane too. A routine. Something to remind him that the days are passing.

Sometimes the loneliness becomes unbearable. It’s a tightening in his chest at night, a shortness of breath in the middle of the day. It’s wanting to talk to someone about his fucking feelings for once, actually talk and have someone reply to him, not even with the answer to solve all of his problems but just an answer that says “I am listening.” It’s being awake at four am for the sixth night in a row, unable to shut off the endless thoughts of _why even bother?_ It’s crying during some stupid artsy movie at these characters and their real loss and realizing his existence is so dissimilar because there’s nothing there to lose, nothing real to miss.  

But Isak swallows the need for that something, that something he can’t place and doesn’t think he’ll ever grasp, not because he thinks it’s impossible to find but because he _knows_ it’s impossible to find. He has to stop thinking there’s something more because it only leaves him feeling like there’s so much less. He does have people. He has Jonas and Eva and Magnus and Mahdi and even fucking Eskild. He doesn’t talk to them about this loneliness and they don’t spend their time eradicating the tightening in his chest but they do ease it. Their presence leaves less absence. They’re his friends and they love him and when he gets around to thinking about _more_ he forgets how much _less_ he could have, would have, without the people who care about him.

So Isak wakes up at six in the morning with an hour of sleep under his belt and goes to class and sees his friends and exists because he can’t have it all but he can have some things. He can have this.  

\--

Magnus won’t stop talking about Vilde and it’s getting so, _so_ old. Isak really doesn’t get it. Granted, he’s not attracted to Vilde and hasn’t really been attracted to any girl, like ever, so he can’t really get into the mindset of a teenage boy crushing on a teenage girl but he’s a human being with empathy so like, in most situations he can at least like, _empathize_. But Isak really can’t empathize with Magnus’ obsession.

In every conversation Isak has ever had with Vile (read: three), she’s been simultaneously abrasive and airheaded. It’s truly a puzzling experience talking to Vilde because you think you’re explaining one thing to her and then the next minute she’s offended about something that doesn’t correlate to the original topic. Like how was Isak supposed to know that calling revue lame directly correlated to her precious Kossegruppe, which Isak knew nothing about. Whatever.

“Dude, girls don’t like desperate guys,” Jonas states bluntly before taking a sip of his water.

Magnus squeals in protest. “I’m not desperate, what the fuck?”

“You kind of are dude,” Isak inserts, patting him on the shoulder to ease his words.

Magnus makes a bunch more of his go-to indignant sounds before silencing in thought.

“Okay, what can I do to appear _not_ desperate?” Magnus asks the both of them.

“Just chill,” Jonas supplies and Magnus rolls his eyes. Isak kind of wants to roll his eyes too. Jonas is his best friend but he’s almost _too_ chill. Usually it makes Isak envious but sometimes it’s just infuriating.

“Isak?”

“Yeah?”

“You never seem desperate. Girls literally flock to you at parties. How do you do it?”

Isak sighs. Girls “flocking to him” at parties is the last thing he wants to talk about, ever. It’s one of the reasons he’s been ditching his friends lately more and more to stay at home on Saturday nights and play FIFA instead. How many times can he turn down a blowjob in someone’s bathroom because “he’s gonna puke” or “he’s too high to function” when the truth is he “can’t get it up.” Fuck.

“Just… I don’t know man.”

“C’mon, Isak, please.”

“Just… When a girl approaches you, don’t look at her like you’d do anything for her to give you the time of day.”

“Okaaay,” Magnus drawls, “That would be helpful if girls approached me.”

Jonas cracks up laughing and Isak sighs in defeat.

“Hallo!” Eva greets the three of them, interrupting Magnus’ inevitable nagging continuation. Eva walks up to the bench where they’ve been hanging around after school, waiting for Mahdi to finish his test so they can get the kebab they talked about.

“Hallo,” Jonas greets first, grabbing Eva by the waist and pulling her in for what Isak considers to be an excessive amount of PDA. It was the kind of PDA that used to tear Isak’s insides to shreds at the sight because it was just another reminder that he couldn’t have that. Not with anyone, least of all Jonas.

The Jonas thing is… done. Truly, it is. Really, Isak has nothing to thank for that except time. After he royally fucked over Jonas and Eva’s relationship he kind of sobered up and realized that Jonas was his greatest friend and the crush he was harboring on him was going to ruin that. It’s a sobering thought: that Isak had the potential to destroy one of best things in his sad life, his friendship with Jonas. So he stopped. He stopped gazing at Jonas longingly as Jonas talked or laughed. He stopped thinking about Jonas when he couldn’t fall asleep at night. He just stopped _feeling_ for Jonas and eventually his actual feelings took the hint. Jonas was his best friend and he deserved someone like Eva to make him happy, with his best fucking _friend_ Isak by his side, not breathing down his neck.

Isak won’t lie. It still hurts sometimes. But it doesn’t hurt because he’s still in love with Jonas; it just hurts because sometimes loving Jonas felt like something Isak hasn’t felt since. Hope.

“Isak, I never got to thank you for taking me home last weekend,” Eva smiles widely, grabbing Isak’s cheek in what is supposed to be a loving pinch but with Eva’s claws feels like an attack.

“Ah, fuck Eva!” He pulls away from her in pain. Eva rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

“Oh fuck off, that did not hurt.”

“Um, my cheek begs to differ,” Isak scoffs. Jonas smiles at him endearingly. Isak averts his eyes. Time _and_ practice.

\--

Isak finds himself wandering around town that night in what he tells himself is not a search for Even. Isak doesn’t want to run into Even again because a) he has literally nothing to say to him and b) even if he did have something to say to him, something like: _I watched Paris, Texas because I picked up the movie stub that fell out your pocket last week_ and _I used to be so infatuated with you when you were younger (alive) that I laid awake at night and thought of your smile_ and _I don’t think the undead are evil and it sucks that so many people do_ and _you should know that people will hurt you, really_ _hurt you if you run into the wrong person at this time of night_ , Isak wouldn’t have the balls to say it.

So when Isak sees Even sitting against the side of a building on the wrong side of town, the side of town Isak had seen Even a week before, Isak hides in the shadows. Even can’t see him because Isak doesn’t know what he’d do if he does.

Even’s sitting with his knees against his chest and his neck stretched back, resting his head on the brick building behind him. His eyes are closed but he looks distressed, not restful. He’s wearing a gray hoodie with the hood up and jeans that hug his legs. He really looks like the Even Isak used to see around town, especially in the low lighting of the street lamp. There’s nothing different, nothing off about him that screams “undead” to Isak. The undead don’t look like the zombies from movies; they just look like overworked humans. A little bit paler, a little bit ragged, but human. And Even looks handsome in this moment to Isak, so handsome that Isak can’t help but smile and take a step closer.

The step closer is a mistake because it's the step that allows Isak’s weight to break a beer bottle with a resounding shatter. Isak’s eyes widen and when he looks up from the broken glass to see if Even’s heard, Even’s eyes are wide and he’s looking directly at him. Of fucking course Isak can’t look where he’s going for once. He can’t even silently gawk at someone silently for under a minute without fucking up. And who the fuck leaves a broken beer bottle in the middle of a sidewalk, by the way?

Isak’s about to turn around and walk away from the situation he’s so elegantly gotten himself into as quickly as possible when he hears Even speak. “Hey.” His voice is deep and rough and Isak can’t tell if that’s how he always sounds or if it’s rough from lack of use.

“Hey,” Isak replies, but his voice isn’t working and it comes out as a hoarse whisper. He clears his throat and tries again, “Hey.”

“You’re not going to kill me, are you?” Even asks and Isak is taking aback by Even’s confidence and the playful tone of his voice. He doesn't know why he expected Even to act almost unnaturally stoic, like a real, groaning zombie. That's one of the problems, Isak thinks. Everyone, including Isak, can't get past the zombie aspect of the undead. People forget that they're human with brains and voices and opinions on things. They forget that the undead are an entire entity and that they are more than their backstory. Isak's guilty of this. He's been thinking of Even as who he was before without acknowledging that who he is now isn't really different. 

Isak slowly walks closer to Even, who makes no move to stand up.

“You should be careful out here all alone. It’s dangerous.”

Even’s smile widens. “Dangerous in general or dangerous for me?”

“Dangerous in general,” Isak lies. Maybe he just doesn’t want to admit to Even that he knows who he is, even though everyone in this town knows who Even is. Even must know how famous he is. He must know how everyone talks about him. If he was one of the first groups to be released from the rehabilitation center then he's been in town for about six weeks but no longer and probably less. In that time, everyone who ventures outside their front door has heard about the only undead in their town.

“If it’s dangerous in general it must be really dangerous for me.”

So Even doesn’t have a problem admitting who he is, clearly. Isak envies him. Even has more confidence as an undead than Isak does as a... completely alive person?

“I’ve got to go,” Isak says and turns around because his heart is beating and he isn’t sure if it’s because he’s nervous or scared or because he _knows_ he can’t get involved in this. In whatever this could be. A conversation or a confrontation or however else it could end. Isak cannot be the kid that hangs out with the undead guy just like he can't be the kid that's gay. He needs to blend in and befriending the only undead in a forty mile radius is not the way to do that. 

“I don’t bite,” Even speaks up and Isak stops but doesn’t turn around.

“Anymore,” Even finishes and Isak huffs out a surprised laugh and turns back around to look at Even again. Even’s face is no longer playful. He looks taken aback.

“Sorry,” he says, much quieter than before, “I shouldn’t joke about stuff like that.”

Isak shrugs. He feels the desperate need to make Even feel better about his arguably insensitive joke.

“It’s chill,” Isak shrugs, taking a page from Jonas’ book. Even looks up at him from underneath his eyelashes and almost manages a smile.

“What’re you looking for?” Even asks after a moment of silence and Isak looks at him quizzically.

“Hmm?”

“Around here…” Even supplies.

Well Isak can’t really be honest and tell Even that he was looking for him, can he? That he’s walking around this shitty area so late because his mind won’t stop racing, won’t stop thinking about Even and he has no rational explanation for why that is. Isak has no rational explanation for why his fucking mind won’t shut up long enough for Isak to regain control of himself.

“The movie theatre… I hear they have midnight showings,” Isak lies masterly. 

Even’s eyebrows rise practically into his hairline with surprise.

“Seriously?”

“What?” Isak replies, “Yeah, why?”

“I love the midnight showings is all.”

“I haven’t been,” Isak hears himself admit honestly, “I’m just… interested.”

“They’re only on Wednesdays and Fridays,” Even informs him. Isak doesn’t really care because he’s completely full of shit but he nods gratefully for the information regardless.

“I’ll be there on Friday if you want to… Never mind,” Even huffs, putting his face in his hands and effectively hiding his emotions from Isak. Isak can tell Even’s struggling when he looks back up at Isak, his face full of a pain that Isak can relate to. Sure, Even’s probably pained because he’s scorned around town and has literally risen from the dead but Isak can still relate to social awkwardness. Maybe Even’s is much more warranted than Isak’s but regardless, it’s not a foreign concept to him.

“I’ll be there too,” Isak says, his heart beating like a jackrabbit in his chest. Why did he say that? Will he actually show up? It’s not a good idea. Isak _knows_ it’s not a good idea.

Even scrunches his eyebrows at him suspiciously. “Well maybe I’ll see you there, yeah?”

Isak gulps when Even stands and his face lights up under the shining streetlamp, which didn’t quite reach his features while he was sitting. Isak is reminded that Even is an undead but also that Even is incredibly tall and handsome and maybe Isak’s fucking stupid or maybe he’s desperate or maybe he’s losing his goddamn mind but for whatever reason, Isak nods at Even in a silent answer.

“You will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for all your kudos and comments :)


	4. metropolis

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. 

Or he knows exactly what he’s doing but he doesn’t know why he’s doing it. He can’t explain it to himself, let alone anyone else.

Isak’s spent the last three days telling himself that he is not going to the midnight showing. Why should he? What’s there for him? What does he have to gain?

But come Friday afternoon he’s telling the boys that he can’t go to the party that they’d talk about crashing that night. Realistically that could have meant anything: that he wasn’t up to making out with someone he’d felt no attraction to or that he wanted to get a head start on homework. It didn’t have to mean what it meant.

At 11:15 he was putting on his shoes and telling himself that a late night stroll would clear his mind.

And now here he finally is, his feet bringing him closer and closer to the movie theatre on the shit side of town. Isak’s really good at lying to himself but he can only do that for so long. He knew he’d end up here. He knew it the second he told Even he would. He didn’t even try that hard to talk himself out of it. He just avoided the thought altogether. It’s like his body walked him here and his mind stayed blank until it was too late. Because let’s face it, Isak _wants_ this.

Isak audibly gulps when the theatre finally comes into view. The flickering marquee reads _Star Trek Beyond_ and below it: _Midnight Showing – Metropolis._ Isak’s never heard of the movie but he really wasn’t expecting to. If the last midnight showing was _Paris, Texas_ Isak didn’t think the next one would be an Avenger’s movie or something equally as mainstream and exciting.

_Paris, Texas_ was good though, Isak relents. Sure it was very dialogue-heavy. Nothing blew up and Bruce Willis didn’t save the world. But it made Isak’s heart squeeze painfully in his chest and yeah, fine, it made him cry. _A little_. And Isak never cries at movies. He’s not a big movie watcher in general, preferring to read or binge watch television shows instead but something kept him from turning off that movie last week and he doesn’t want to name that something in fear that it’ll become more than just _something._ That it might eventually become everything.

Isak is nervous as he walks up to the ticket window and a tired looking boy with brown curls gives him an appraising look.

“Thirty kroner,” he states and Isak hands it over silently. The boy slides a ticket back to him and Isak stares at it but doesn’t take it from the counter.

“This is for you,” he says.

Isak looks up at the boy and they make eye contact for a beat before Isak blinks hard to suggest he had zoned out before grabbing the ticket. The boy gives him a knowing smirk and Isak doesn’t know what this guy could possibly _know_ about him but he feels exposed nonetheless and walks away from the ticket booth as quickly as possible.

“Takk,” he calls behind him.

Isak treads into the small lobby and immediately walks to the bathroom to give himself another minute to calm his racing heartbeat.

Maybe he’s freaking out over nothing. Maybe Even isn’t even there, won’t even show up. He can’t imagine that Even has put as much thought into this as Isak is.

He walks towards the sink and puts both his hands on its sides, leaning forward and looking into the drain. He takes deep breaths and goes through the different possible scenarios he may face in the next five minutes.

  1. Even isn’t there. He doesn’t show up. Isak watches ten minutes of the movie, decides he hates it and goes home. He never sees Even again and eventually, he stops thinking about him.


  1. Even is already in there. Isak chooses to sit on the other side of the theatre. He watches the entire movie. He leaves before Even and goes home. He never sees Even again and eventually, he stops thinking about him.


  1. Even isn’t there. He shows up after Isak. He doesn’t sit by Isak. Isak watches the entire movie. He leaves before Even and goes home. He never sees Even again and eventually, he stops thinking about him.


  1. Even isn’t there but when he shows up he sits by Even. They don’t talk. They watch the movie and then they leave. He never sees Even again and eventually, he stops thinking about him.



Isak is about to reach option five when he hears the toilet flush. _Shit_. He hadn’t realized someone was in here with him.

He looks up from the drain and lo and behold the one and only Even Bech Næsheim, the man who is competing with biology to be the topic he dwells on most, is staring at him in the mirror. He’s wearing the same hoodie Isak saw him in the other night and black jeans. The hoodie is big on him and the sleeves cover his hands.

Even smiles softly at him and then walks over to the sink to wash his hands. Isak continues to stare at him in the mirror. Even catches his eye twice more. Isak turns on the faucet to give himself something to do instead of just staring at Even like a fucking creep just as Even himself turns off the faucet and proceeds to take every paper towel in the dispenser.

When he’s finished his charade, he looks to Isak in mock astonishment.

“Do you also need paper towels?” He asks and then promptly folds one of the dryer paper towels in half and hands it to Isak. Isak looks down at it and crumples it in his fist.

“Shall we?” Even asks him and then walks out of the bathroom. Isak follows. Obviously.

\--

“I don’t want you to think I expect anything from you,” Even states very plainly, the moment Isak has sat down next to him in the small and empty theatre.

“I know who— _what_ I am and I know what people think of me. Just because we watch this movie sharing an armrest doesn’t mean I’m going to start showing up at your house looking for my friend, okay?”

Isak hates himself for feeling relief wash over him. 

“I know that,” he replies in a whisper. And he does. He knew showing up tonight wasn’t a message to Even that they were anything. Still, it’s nice to hear Even acknowledge it. It also makes Isak kind of feel like a giant fucking asshole. Isak’s been acting like he’s the one struggling to show up tonight but shit, what about Even? Even probably struggles everyday to leave his fucking house. Isak hates himself in this moment for feeling relief at Even’s words. He doesn’t deserve them.

“Good,” Even smiles. “Have you seen this movie?” He nods his head towards the large screen, which is still blank.

Isak shakes his head.

“You’ll hate it,” Even promises and Isak laughs. “Why are you here then?” Isak asks, finally finding his voice. “If you hate it so much?”

“Because you said you’d be here,” Even replies simply and before Isak can respond, before he can overanalyze this statement and freak out again, the projector lights up the screen and the movie begins.

About thirty seconds into the movie Isak realizes it’s a silent movie and can’t help but let out a quiet huff. There won’t even be sounds from the screen to mask Isak’s heavy nervous breathing.

Even turns to him with a smile. “Not a fan of silent films?”

Isak looks at him with mock disdain.

“Fuck no,” he responds immediately and then cringes at his own audaciousness. “I mean… I’m not really into artsy movies in general, I guess.”

Even lets out a laugh that makes Isak’s heart pound. “All silent movies are artsy?”

“Nei,” Isak protests, “or… yeah, I don’t know.”

“I love silent films. It lets the imagination run wild. And it’s not _really_ silent, ya know. There’s music.”

“Yeah but I never know what’s going on. And the music doesn’t even go with the movie most of the time. It’s like fucking unsynced or something.”

Even laughs again and Isak thinks this sound could be the death of him. “There’s intertitles with dialogue and explanations though.”

“Still,” Isak huffs and turns back to the film. He pretends to watch it and pretends he isn’t painfully aware of his arm touching Even’s on the armrest. He’s warmer than Isak imagined. Not that Isak imagined how Even would feel but… no, yeah, of course he has. It’s one of the many things he’s thought about in the last week concerning Even. How he feels to the touch and how he smells up close, among other more scientific things like does he sleep and does he eat and can he cry and can he love.

“ _Metropolis_ is a critique on the class system and mass production in Germany after World War I,” Even offers after what is probably only ten or so minutes but to Isak, watching this awful movie with Even sitting so near to him, feels like an infinity.

“Hmm,” Isak answers, trying to fake interest.

He feels Even turn to look at him but he keeps his eyes on the screen, feigning attentiveness. He refuses to turn his head and look at Even. He refuses to engage. He needs to keep his head on straight. He can’t get lost in this. That way leads madness. 

“Shall we smoke?” Even asks after another beat.

Now Isak can’t help but turn and look at him in confusion. When Even pulls a joint out of his pocket Isak’s mouth drops open in amicable shock.

“You want to leave?” Isak asks, confused but slightly hopeful. Maybe they could walk around and smoke, out in the open air. Where Isak can get a good two feet between Even and himself and finally breath properly again. 

“Nei, we can smoke in here,” Even replies like he hasn’t just insinuated he and Isak should get high in a public theatre. 

“We’ll get arrested,” Isak objects.

“Nei, no one else is coming to watch this and I know the only person working tonight. It’s not like it’ll smell in the morning.”

“What if we get caught?” Isak asks, “By someone other than your… friend?” Even nods and then sparks his lighter.

“We run,” Even counters smartly before swiftly lighting the joint in his mouth and taking a long drag.

Isak is suddenly entranced by the way Even blows the smoke out of his mouth, stretching his neck back so that the smoke dances up into the air of the theatre and then dissolves into nothing with only the tangy smell remaining. Isak’s smoked a ton of times with Jonas and the boys but he’s never felt as high as he does right now, watching Even smoke.

Even hands the joint to Isak and raises a questioning eyebrow. Isak takes it as a challenge.

They smoke and eye the movie but Isak knows neither of them are really watching it. He doesn’t know what Even’s doing but Isak’s overanalyzing every movement he makes, every flick of his wrist, every time he closes his eyes for longer than a blink, and every breath he takes. He feels spellbound.

“What kind of music do you listen to?” Even asks and Isak smiles softly because Even has officially made it obvious he isn’t watching the movie either.

When Isak doesn’t answer, too caught up in this fact, Even continues, “If you listen to music.”

He laughs and Isak rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “I like NWA,” Isak supplies.

“So a hip-hop fan? You ever listen to Nas?”

Isak has not listened to Nas but he feels like he should have. 

“I’ve—yeah, Nas.”

Even laughs loudly, much louder than before and it makes Isak jump and look around the theatre, feeling a little paranoid in his haze.

“It doesn’t sound like it.”

Isak considers defending himself but instead shrugs and takes another hit of the joint, which is almost at its end.

“Give him a listen and tell me what you think.”

Isak smiles and nods at Even but quietly his mind is reeling. Does this mean Even wants to meet again? He knows what Even said earlier, about zero expectations and whatnot but still, doesn’t that sound like an expectation? It sounds like an expectation.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t feel like a liability. It feels like something Isak wants.

“I will,” Isak says and it feels like a promise. Then, after a beat:

“Why did you talk to me?” He asks and then clarifies when Even turns to look at him in confusion. “When you saw me that second time, why did you talk to me? The first night, you didn’t say a word. You didn’t even turn around when I called out to you. But the second time…”

“I don’t know,” Even replies honestly. “I guess because I realized you weren’t going to try to attack me? You were just…” Even trails off, smiles to himself. “You were just watching me.”

His words sit stale in the air. For awhile, Isak had forgotten that Even was an undead. It sounds ridiculous, what with Even’s eyes being unnaturally blue from his contacts and his skin pale as death. But Even talking about the possibility of someone attacking him reminds Isak of the fact. Even is an undead. And they’ve managed to gracefully avoid the topic until now.

“I would never…” Isak pauses, because he really doesn’t know how to finish his statement. He would never… what? Hurt an undead? True, but not really what he’s looking to say. Even knows he’d never hurt an undead. But what does Even still need to know that he’d never do?

“I know,” Even replies and Isak looks at him. Isak feels like Even understands, even though Isak can’t fully understand himself. They stare at each other for a long moment, Isak finally breaking the eye contact to look at his hands.

They talk for forever, about music and movies and dumb shit they’ve seen or done. Isak tells Even about the time that Magnus ate two-dozen donuts on a dare and then threw up all over Jonas. Even laughs so hard Isak sees tears in his eyes and Isak can’t remember a time he’s felt more pleased with himself. Even tells Isak about the time he broke four bones trying to do a flip off his roof after watching _The Matrix_ when he was a kid.

Even doesn’t talk about being an undead and Isak doesn’t bring it up.

When the film credits roll, Isak turns to the screen and his stomach drops. Is it over? The movie… and Even, is it over?

Even glances at Isak and maybe it’s wishful thinking but Isak thinks he might be thinking the same thing. Is it over?

They both stand up and make their way out of the back exit of the theatre silently, avoiding the ticket booth altogether. 

“I want to do this again,” Isak says. He doesn’t know how he got so brave, he doesn’t know when he decided he could say those words to Even without tripping over his sentence or loosing his breath altogether. He just wants this so badly in this moment. Whatever this is, it can’t be over. Isak isn’t ready for it to be over. Maybe it’s nothing. They talked about shallow shit and they laughed at other’s expense and they didn’t even bring up the fact that Even’s basically a fucking zombie but something about the exchange has Isak reeling. This can’t be over because what if it’s the beginning of everything?

Even smiles at him softly like Isak hasn’t just bared his heart and soul into six quiet words.

“Then we’ll do this again,” Even states.

Even hugs him softly and Isak isn’t expecting it. His breath catches in his throat at the contact. It’s a short embrace, and Isak can barely wrap his arms around Even in response before Even is pulling back and turning to walk the other way.

“Bye, Isak.”

Even smells like musk and pine and Isak feels both like he’s drowning and floating away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this even though I'm tipsy and should probably just wait until tomorrow so I can proofread it first? Oops? I love each and every one of you and every kudos and comment makes my heart go boom boom boom boom :)


	5. oh how fast the evening passes

The problem with Even’s promise that they’ll see each other again is that Isak has no means of contacting Even about this so called promise. No cell number, no address, no meeting place. When Isak goes to the Wednesday midnight showing the week after the promise, he tries not to take it too personally when Even isn’t there.

Isak leaves the theatre immediately after the movie’s opening credits, telling himself he’s leaving because it’s bound to be a shit movie and not because he showed up solely for Even. There’s really point in continuing to lie to himself if he’s being honest but Isak does it anyway. Maybe it’s a self-preservation type thing. If this all goes to shit there’s a tiny part of Isak who didn’t care anyway, who was going to the midnight showing to watch the movie and who talked to Even because he felt bad for the undead guy, not because his heart pinched in an excruciating way every time he thought the boy’s name or about the way his eyes crinkled when he laughs.

As Isak is leaving, hidden in his favorite gray hoodie and calculating how much precious study time he’s lost by coming here, he hears his name called from behind him. His gut drops in anticipation and disbelief but when he turns around Even is nowhere to be seen.

“Isak,” someone calls again. He finally sees that it’s the dude in the ticket booth that’s talking to him. The same guy who gave him his ticket twenty minutes ago, as well as last Friday night.

Isak hesitantly walks towards the window.

“Uh, yeah?”

“He’s not coming tonight,” the boy explains and Isak scrunches his eyebrows in incredulity.

“Who?”

The boy snorts. “Who? C’mon man, Even. He had something he needed to take care of tonight, couldn’t make it.”

“How did you—”

“He’s my best friend,” the boy answers, assuming correctly what Isak was going to ask. _How do you know Even_ or maybe, _How did you know I came here for him._

“You’re the _friend_ who works here,” Isak states dumbly. He remembers Even mentioning him in passing when Isak questioned their smoking the joint inside. Isak kind of thought Even was just fucking with him so he wouldn’t decline smoking inside and Isak wasn’t going to deny a smoke, especially with Even.

The boy nods in reply and smirks at him.

“Ah, so he has talked about me.” He snickers like the two are in on an inside joke together, which they are certainly not.

“You wanna know how you can reach him?”

“Uh, no thanks, I mean… it’s fine. I don’t wanna like… you know… um… intrude?” Isak finishes lamely. He doesn’t want Even to think he’s some weird stalker or totally desperate to see him or something. Like, yeah, okay, Isak would really like to see him again but he isn’t going to get that information from anyone but Even. If Even really wants to fulfill his promise, he’ll do it.

“He told me to tell you, if you came tonight, conceited fucker,” the boy mutters, “to call him on this number.” The boy picks up and waves around a scrap of paper with a number lazily printed on it. Oh, well, in that case…

Isak walks closer to the window and the boy puts the scrap into Isak’s palm. Isak swipes his finger through the dried ink, inspecting it.

“Boy literally died and still gets more action than me,” he says, mostly to himself. Isak feels a sudden rush of shame. This is someone who knows how he feels about Even. This is someone who knows how he feels about a _boy._ Isak feels a sudden and undeniable sense of dread. He feels a desperate need to tell this boy that there’s absolutely nothing romantic going on between him and Even, that Isak is a straight male who likes girls and thinks about girls and dates girls and is one hundred percent not gay and did he mention how much he loves girls?

“Even will kill me if he finds out I told you this but…” Isak waits, expecting to hear something harsh, maybe about himself, maybe about gay people. Perhaps the boy wants to warn him that Even is just fucking with him or something as equally self indulgent. Maybe he wants to tell Isak that he’s wasting his time. Instead, the boy looks him in the eye and tells him, “You’re like the best thing to happen to him since he’s come back.”

_Jesus_ , Isak thinks, _That’s intense._ And yet… It doesn’t freak him out like it probably should. Instead a warmth arises in the pit of his stomach. His sexual panic subdued by this stranger’s words.

Isak means something to Even. It’s not all in his head.

Isak doesn’t know how to reply to this honest declaration so he simply shrugs.

“Oh, and Isak?”

“Yeah?”

“If you ever smoke in my theatre again, I’ll kill you,” he deadpans and then grins widely at him. Isak nods and walks away from the theatre, the scrap of paper held tightly in his left fist.

\--

Isak knows the boy told him specifically to call Even on the number he handed Isak but Isak feels panic at the entire idea. The ominous ringing, the eventual voicemail message or Even’s “hello,” the entirety of it makes Isak much more nervous than he thought possible.

So naturally he texts Even instead.

**Hi it’s Isak, your friend gave me your number. Want to hang out?**

Isak reads the text three times before deleting it and trying again.

**Hey it’s Isak. Do you wanna hang out Sunday? I have weed.**

Isak reads this text twice and then deletes it.

**Hey we should smoke soon, I have some stuff. It’s Isak.**

Isak sends the text before he can read this one more than once too and decide it makes him sound like a desperate loser.

Yesterday Isak asked Jonas to roll him a joint and Jonas was all kinds of suspicious. Isak said he wanted to get high alone and watch the first seasons of _Lost_ but he could tell Jonas didn’t buy it. Fair. Isak was never going to watch _Lost_.

**Let’s do it. My place?**

Isak breathes a sigh of relief at the reply, not only because Even has agreed to hang out with him but also because Even has offered them a safe haven. The theatre is dark and always empty but it’s also open to the public and anyone could walk in and see Even and Isak together. Isak wants to be okay with that but he knows he’s not.

\--

“I listened to _Illmatic_ ,” Isak says shyly, slightly embarrassed that Isak followed through on a comment Even made offhandedly. It may have been offhanded to Even but to Isak it felt like a necessity. Even’s own personal recommendation for 90’s hip-hop lovers could not go ignored.

“And?”

“Fucking good.”

Even laughs in delight. “That’s the epitome of 90s hip-hop, man. _Life’s a bitch and then you die, that’s why we get high_ … I mean, c’mon, that’s waxing philosophical.”

“Fuckin’ exactly man. Hip-hop gets such a bad rap because all these adults and conservative types can’t look past the profanity and only hear the words they think are “corrupting the youth” or whatever. They don’t hear the message, man.”

“Man.”

“Man.”

The two look at each other, both exaggeratingly straight-faced before cracking up in laughter. Isak feels like he’s floating. They’re sitting near the window in Even’s room. He lives with his parents but he told Isak when he arrived at the address Even sent him that his parents were in Oslo for the next week. Even’s apartment is cozy and it’s clear a family lives there, with family portraits on the walls and lines of shoes by the door. Even’s room looks exactly like how Isak would imagine it. Cool posters, drawings, and instruments splayed around the walls, a giant neon sign indicating how much cooler Even was, or _is_ , than Isak could ever hope to be. 

“Your friend…”

“Mikael,” Even clarifies with a smile. He’s sitting across from Isak with his gray hoodie on and propped on top of his head. That’s one thing Isak has noticed about Even, he’s constantly in layers, like he’s always cold. Isak doesn’t know if that’s true. Maybe the undead _are_ always cold. Or maybe Even’s just always cold. Or, maybe, Even’s hiding something beneath the layers. Isak doesn’t know and he doesn’t let his mind linger long on the possibilities because when Isak thinks about the mystery behind Even his mind usually jumps to shitty things he’s heard about the undead instead of the things he already knows about Even, all good.  

“Mikael. He’s nice. He gave me your number and all,” Isak says, instead of _what are you hiding underneath your hoodie_.

“Yeah,” Even pauses like he’s nervous, “He gave me so much shit for making him give it to you. Told me I was a presumptuous little fucker.” Even smiles fondly and Isak is so, so happy to know Even has a friend. Isak’s friends are the only thing that keeps him going some days and every time he sees a kid eating alone at a lunch table or hears about someone at school whose friends ditched them he always finds himself resisting the urge to cry. He can’t imagine not having friends because he can imagine where he’d be without them.

“Mikael’s the only person keeping me sane,” Even eyes him, “Well, one of the only people. 

Isak can feel his cheeks heating up and he wills himself to calm down.

“He doesn’t talk to me like he’s walking on eggshells,” Even continues, “He fucking _jokes_ with me about being an undead instead of treating it like it’s an illness I’m getting over… I fucking love that guy and he’s forgiven me for shit I’ll never forgive myself for.”

Isak gulps loudly and then prays it wasn’t audible to Even. He’s pretty sure he knows what Even is referring to. Isak can’t imagine what it’s like for Even, being surrounded by people who know he took his own life, on top of being an undead. No one who kills themselves ever has to deal with the consequences. No one who kills themself has to deal with the looks or the talk. That’s part of the deal but not a part of Even’s. Even does.

He takes another hit of the joint.

“Do you believe in an afterlife?”

Isak can’t help himself. He laughs. Even looks at him in surprise before smiling softly. This shuts Isak up real fast because Even’s endeared look makes Isak want to simultaneously hide under a blanket for the rest of his life and kiss Even until they both die of asphyxiation.

“Sorry, it’s just that that’s such a stereotypically high thing to ask.”

Even smirks in acknowledgement but keeps quiet, waiting for Isak to answer his question.

“Nei.”

“Nei?” Even asks in smiley disbelief. He’s so fucking smiley Isak thinks it’d be annoying on anyone else.

“No fucking way. I just don’t buy it. That’s not science.”

“I believe in an afterlife,” Even tells him.

“What? Seriously?"

“Seriously." 

“But… you…. I mean… Have you ever…” Isak knows what he wants to say but he can’t think of a delicate way to word it.

“No, I don’t remember what happened after I died,” Even answers him, “But I know that something did. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain but it’s like, I wasn’t gone, you know? I was somewhere else, even if that somewhere wasn’t above the clouds, hanging out with Mother Theresa and Kurt Cobain or whatever.”

“Do you think that’s just your living brain compensating for the nothingness you experienced when you were dead?” Isak asks and hopes to whatever deity is listening that he hasn’t said anything insulting. Even mentioned Mikael not walking on eggshells around Even and Isak desperately wants to be that kind of comfort to Even as well, he just feels sometimes like Even himself is an egg and Isak is the asshole who’s going to crack him, his blood on Isak’s hands mixed with Isak’s insensitive questions and harsh words.

“Nei,” Even laughs and Isak breathes a silent sigh of relief at the sound.

“The concept of an afterlife is so interesting because everybody wants to believe there’s this super cool life after death where everything is okay in the world and peaceful and easy but nobody really wants to die to check out this amazing after life, ya know? Isn’t it funny how everyone wants to live forever but every immortality trope is about wanting to die?”

“What’d you mean?” Even asks and changes the song on his iPod to “People Are Strange” by The Doors. Isak acknowledges the song choice with an appraising sound. Jim Morrison is the only god Isak believes in.

“So nobody _wants_ to die, right?”

Even raises his eyebrows in challenge.

“Shit, I mean, like…”

“It’s okay, Isak,” Even says soothingly, “I understand what you mean. Nobody really wants to die…”

“Okay,” fuck, Isak, seriously, “so nobody wants to die, like really. They might want to die more than they want to live but they don’t _want_ to die. But in every vampire movie or any movie that talks about immortality or whatever, the immortals just want to fucking die already. They’re desperate for it.”

“Because when you’re immortal you see life and death in a different perspective. You see death as a part of living, not the end of it.”

Isak smiles, “Yeah, exactly, so—”

“But,” Even interrupts, “aren’t those immortals just ready for something different?”

“What’d you mean?”

“Don’t they just want to die to experience something new? Because their lives are so boring, they need to die because dying is the only thing they’ve never done. So they don’t really _want_ to die. They want to experience what’s next. Hence, an afterlife.”

“Ahh, you’re clever,” Isak states and Even smiles at the compliment, “But what if they don’t want to die because they’re ready for something new? What if they want to die because they never want to experience anything ever again?”

“I see what you’re getting at… Maybe people don’t want to _die_ but they do want to escape everything, escape themselves.”

Isak knows Even has probably wanted to escape himself before and he doesn’t think of Even as a coward for it. He’s the bravest person Isak’s ever met and Isak doesn’t have to have an extensive history with the guy to realize that.

“But you can’t _really_ escape yourself, ya know? Like even dying isn’t escaping yourself because it’s you whose dying. It’s like how you can deny everything but your own consciousness because your own consciousness is the one thing you know is real. So even in death, whether there’s an afterlife or not, you still haven’t escaped yourself.”

Even starts laughing really hard and gives Isak a confused look.

“You just lost me so hard, man.”

Isak smiles bashfully. He’s kind of confused himself if he’s being honest but he’s not going to admit that to Even.

“I like you, Isak,” Even states plainly and Isak it taken aback.

“I like you because I think you see the good in people.”

Isak’s high and doesn’t even really know if that compliment is accurate.

He doesn’t know if him thinking people don’t really want to die is him seeing the good in people. If anything, are people not just too consumed by their own egos to really want to die?

But Isak accepts the compliment because he wants to believe he sees the good in people and he wants Even to think so too.

\--

As Isak is leaving Even’s, this time with a number and their next hangout already established, belly full of cheese toastie and head swirling with information and excitement and adrenaline, he runs directly into Elias.

Elias gives him a strange look and Isak suddenly feels like he can’t breath. What if he knows where Even lives and puts two and two together?

“You don’t live there?” Elias states, questioning Isak as he shuts the door to the entrance of the apartment complex.

“Nei…”

“Who does?" 

Isak is taken aback by the inquiry and also maybe a little too high to think on his feet. Luckily Elias knows a high person when he sees one and starts to laugh before Isak can even begin to think of a lie.

“Dude, you look stoned as shit.”

Isak laughs with him, hoping it’ll steer the conversation away from why he was leaving an apartment nowhere near where he or any of his friends live.  

“You get your supply elsewhere?”

“Uh, nei, still you.”

“Good shit, right?” Isak forces himself to smile.

“Good shit. I’ve gotta go meet Jonas though so I’ll--” 

Elias claps Isak on the back, a little too hard, and Isak hides a flinch.

“You know I heard a rumor that the zombie lives in this neighborhood.”

Isak sees white.

“I’ve been keeping my eye out…”

“Why do you care?” Isak asks, biting down on his tongue hard enough to draw blood. He barely feels it but can taste the iron.

“I’ve got something up my sleeve,” Elias replies, smiling like Isak is in on the joke. Why the fuck do people think Isak is in on _anything?_

“Just leave it alone, dude,” Isak says, trying to sound casual and not like his heart is beating out of his chest with anxiety.

“Don’t tell me what to do, _dude_ ,” Elias mocks.

“I just mean—”

“See ya around captain fagtastic,” Elias offers maliciously before saluting Isak and continuing down the street. Isak feels the nausea creep up on him.

He has to warn Even. 

Isak buzzes the apartment complex’s doorbell until someone lets him in. When he knocks on Even’s door, he hears the footsteps and knows Even is looking through the keyhole at him. He hears three different locks being opened before the door opens to reveal Even looking confused but not unpleasantly so.

“Forget something?” Even asks before revealing Isak’s snapback hidden behind his back.

“Can I come in for a second?” Isak asks anxiously. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to say this. Even must know he’s in danger, generally speaking. The undead aren’t well received. 

“Of course.”

When the two step inside and Even locks the door again, Isak turns to look at him and takes a deep breath.

“This guy at my school, Elias, he’s a fucking asshole and he has it out for you, I think.”

Even’s face doesn’t change like Isak thinks it will. “Isak,” Even starts gently, “a lot of people “have it out for me.” I’m an undead.”

“Nei,” Isak lets out a impatient sigh, “I know, but Elias could be dangerous. He seems to really have it out for you. Do you understand?”

Even nods silently. “Well thanks for telling me, I guess?”

Okay well now Isak kind of feels like a fool. Would this Elias thing have been better kept to himself? Maybe Isak wasn’t helping anyone at all but telling Even. “I’m sorry.”

Even looks at him like he’s crazy. “What are you sorry for?” 

“I don’t know, I’m just sorry for telling you I guess? Clearly you already know that you’re in danger and it probably doesn’t help that I’m freaking you out and telling you very specific people who want to hurt you.”

“Isak, no, it’s okay. _Really_. Thank you for telling me.”

“I’m sorry I just,” Isak grabs his hair in frustration and hears himself speaking words he didn't think he'd ever voice, “I just don’t really know how to act around you sometimes because I don’t care that you’re an undead but like, also, it’s kind of a big _thing_ that you are?” Isak feels like he’s just confessed something simultaneously overt and secretive.

“You don’t know how to act around me?” Even asks, quieter now. Isak thinks he sounds hurt.

“I mean… I just sometimes feel like I’m going to say something that you’re not going to forgive me for. I feel like—”

“Like you’re walking on eggshells around me.”

Isak lets out a begrudging sigh. “Yeah.”

“I don’t know what to do to fix that. I’m sorry.” Even shrugs, giving Isak an apologetic look.

“No, fuck, you shouldn’t be apologizing because of me. I just don’t want to say something to hurt you. I just don’t want to offend you, I guess.”

“Do you want to stop,” Even appears as if he’s looking for the right words before finishing, “hanging out?”

“ _Nei_ ,” Isak exclaims, surprised by his own volume, “I mean, I really, _really_ don’t.”

This makes Even smile and Isak immediately feels more at ease.

“Listen, I can’t promise you that you’re never going to say anything that upsets me but… I think I can promise you that you’re never going to say anything that makes me hate you.”

Isak nods. “But you’ll tell me… if I’ve said something wrong? Won’t you?”

Even shakes his head, “If it makes you feel better, I’ll tell you.”

Isak laughs, “If it makes _me_ feel better.” Why is Even literally such a better person than Isak can even dream of being?

“Yeah, if it makes _you_ feel better. I don’t want you to walk on eggshells around me. If you’re worried you’re going to say something offensive to me just fucking say it anyway and I’ll tell you why it’s a shitty thing to say. If that’s what you want, I mean.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Maybe okay will be our always.”

“What?”

“What?” Even laughs. 

“ _What?_ ”

Even laughs even harder, “Nevermind.”

"So I guess I'll see you Wednesday?"

Even nods in confirmation. "Wednesday," and then Even slowly dips his head down towards Isak's face and kisses him lightly on the cheek. When he pulls back Even looks like he's trying to read Isak's reaction to the light intimacy. Isak's blush is enough. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few things:
> 
> 1) This was more or less a filler chapter and I'm sorry about that. I really wanted to establish dialogue between the boys, not to mention I'm having a bit of block with this story that I'm trying to shake. Also sorry if you think they smoke together too much lmao. ALSO sorry if that immortality bit was confusing bc it's supposed to be high talk but at the same time make some type of sense, ya dig? 
> 
> 2) I'm very sorry for the long wait and I'm going to try harder at updating quicker, I promise! Also mistakes are mine bc I am unbeta'd
> 
> 3) All your comments are v lovely and make me v happy


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